Hello, Crazies!
by sesecullen
Summary: 17 years after Breaking Dawn, &everyone's crazy. RANDOM, FUNNY, I SUCK AT SUMMARIES : I own nothing, but certain plots.
1. strawberrygasms!

**a/n: Hey there (: I had an idea for a story, but it's probably going to be kind of stupid. Sorry, haha.**

_**I own: no characters, no names, etc. I do own my guinea pig though. She's really fat :D**_

_Bella's POV._

A new year, a new high school-_oh joy_. I had officially been a Cullen for seventeen years now, and Renesmee lived with Jacob, back in Forks with Charlie. She couldn't bare to leave him, but the rest of us couldn't stay. She'd never been to Forks High School, so she had the luxury of choice. We now resided in a small town called Johnson City, Oregon. We learned, that with a population of 659, we could be crazy. Let the fun begin.

"Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it, if you liked it then you should put a ring on it, don't be mad once you see that he want it, if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it!" Emmett screeched, jumping up and down on mine and Edward's bed, we weren't sleeping(because we can't), but still we were having alone time.

"Emmett shut the hell up! You're so frigging annoying!" I yelled, throwing a pillow at him. Edward starting laughing as Emmett's expression turned from hurt to evil.

"Esme! Esme! Bella said a bad word! She hurted all of my feelings! Ahhhhhhh!" Emmett ran down the stairs at human speed. _He can be so theatrical sometimes_, I thought.

"BELLLLLA! Apologize to Emmett! NOW!" Esme screamed. I knew Emmett was playing this up, so I played along.

"Sorry, fathead!" I yelled. I heard him say something along the lines of whatever, but my attention was on my calendar. It was August 23rd. The first day of the new school year_. Shit_.

"ALLLLIIIIIICEEEE!" I yelled, and she appeared in less than a second.

"Yes, Bella?" She answered with a smirk. She knew what I was going to ask.

"Can we? Can we, PLEAAASE?!" I was begging, but she promised.

"Yes. Yes, we can." She smiled.

We walked back to Alice and Jasper's room, and Jasper looked at us, scared. I held him down, and Alice dressed him.

"AHHHH! I'M NOT A HAPPY KID! NO BRIGHT COLORSSSS!" Jasper screeched all emoish.

We dressed up his regular black skinny jeans and black t-shirt with a purple and pink hoodie, and a white tutu. He walked over to the mirror and put his blonde hair in his eyes, to look more moody I assumed.

"I LOOK SO PRETTYAFULISH!" he yelled, and skipped off sing 'dontcha' by the Pussycat Dolls. Alice and I cracked up. We walked downstairs, and Edward was throwing a tantrum.

"I WANT MY APPLEJACKS! I WANT THEM NOW! NOW NOW NOWWWWW!" he was about to break the sliding glass door. I decided he needed to be calmed down.

"Edward. Sweetie. You're a vampire. You don't need applejacks." I cooed.

"Oh. Okay!" He smiled, then put his arm around my waist. Then Rosalie walked downstairs.

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty. Prettier than all of youuuu!" she was dancing with a mirror in her hand, looking at herself. None of said anything. We knew well enough not to disturb her while she was looking at herself. So, we all left for school.

"Cullen, Bella? Your schedule is here." I heard my name called out and went to greet the principal. Since we were being crazy this time around, I decided to play it up.

"Hi, I'm Bella. I like to give strawberries orgasms." I said, and it took a lot not to laugh. This would be a fun year.

**a/n: How'd you like it?!(: It'll get better, promise! Haha, review like you're Rosalie and I took your mirror away!**


	2. No good deed goes unpunished

**A/n: the Rosalie/mirror plot belongs to my amazing friend Hannah/Robin/Robinator. Haha, I'm putting a twist on it though :P**

**Disclaimer: I own---nada; not even J-14, Wicked, or Gossip Girl re-runs. Although I am baking cookies at the moment for my Spanish class (:**

_Bella's POV, Saturday._

"EDWARD!" Rosalie was coming down the stairs taking three at a time.

"EDWARD I KNOW YOU STOLE IT!" she screeched, and I know her face would've been red if she had any blood. I was wondering what Edward had stolen to make her so mad. Hair brush? No. She had too many. Fashion magazine? No, too many of those, also.

"EDWAAAAAAAAAAAAARD! YOU STOLE ALL 27 OF MY MIRRORS! ALLL OFF THEEEEEEEM!" she was in his face now, spitting venom. Edward stared back happily.

"I threw them all out. Broke each and every one, too." He was smiling, although I was sure Rose would rip him apart and burn him. I just about got up to restrain her, but instead of hurting Edward she spoke.

"Broke? Each, and, every one?" if a vampire could cry, Rosalie would have been breaking down, shedding tears the size of baseballs. But, just then, Emmett came down stairs--Dressed as a rapper. Baggy sweat pants, a baggy hoodie, and well, 'bling', _a lot_ of bling.

"Yo, yo, yo, my name is Emmshiz, the best in the biz, step back, go get a cookie cooling rack, and CHILL!" Emmett rapped, badly I must add.

"Emmett. You are _white_. No, not white. CHALK. You are the whitest of all whites. Go upstairs, and change. Now." I said, laughing so hard each word sounded like three. He burst into frantic sobs, which since he couldn't cry, was just a mess of noises.

"Fine! I'll go be a character from Wicked!" he screamed, running up the stairs theatrically.

"Oh god." I said.

"Well," Edward said, "I'm gonna go watch Gossip Girl re-runs! YAAAY NATIEEE!" he said, leaving me gaping after him.

I stayed where I was, and Alice came downstairs, hauling Jasper by the ear, whom seemed oblivious, because he was reading J-14.

"OH EM JAAAAY!" Jasper squealed.

"Miley, and Nick Jonas, like are so dating again. Selena is like a total cover-up story!" he smiled giddily, and kept reading. Alice looked at him, searching for some of his more, well, old Jasper-ness. She sighed when she found none. Just then Emmett came back down the stairs, wearing a sparkly pink princess dress, and blowing bubbles.

"POPULAR! You're gonna be popular! I'll teach you the proper poise,when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce, ooh!" He sang, then looked at Alice, Jasper, and I expectantly. He didn't get much feedback, seeing that we were all in hysterics. I could even hear Edward in his room guffawing, and Rosalie who had been mourning her mirrors, cracking up. Emmett looked stunned, and hurt. He picked up the ends of his princess-style dress, revealing white patent-leather pumps, and stomped up to Alice, Jasper and I. Suddenly, Edward was at the top of the stairs watching, and Rose was soon to follow. That's when Emmett started to speak.

"I, tried to rap. BUT NO! That wasn't good enough for you. I sing songs from the best musical ever-" but Jasper cut him off.

"Camp Rock was soooo much better, el stupido!" Jasper screamed.

"CAMP ROCK ISN'T A FLIP-DIDDLY-DIPPEN MUSICAL, EMO QUEER BOY! Now, as I was saying…oh, yeah! I come down here, and sing my heart out! I wasted precious breath and time! AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN SAY THANK YOU!" I was used to Emmett's breakouts, but this was just absolutely outrageous. Absurd. Stupid. I had to say something to him, set him straight.

"EMMETT YOU STUPID _DOUCHE_! FIRST OF ALL, _YOU DON'T HAVE A HEART_, SCIENTIFICALLY SPEAKING. SECOND OF ALL, _WE DON'T HAVE TO BREATHE_, HENSE YOU WASTED _NO 'PRECIOUS' BREATH_. AND, FINALLY, _YOU WASTED NO TIME, BECAUSE WE LIVE FOREVER_, YOU _IDIOTIC, IMBOSIL OF A VAMPIRE_!" after I was done, everyone but Emmett cracked up. He looked like he would cry. I considered apologizing for less than a second, but decided against it. He ran off.

"ESME! CARLILSEEEEE!" he called for the only form of discipline in the house.

"Bella," I heard Esme cry, "You will sing songs from Wicked with your brother tonight as your punishment." She finished. OH LORD NO!!!

_An hour later…_

"A-five-six-seven-eight!" Emmett cried.

"BELLA THAT'S YOUR QUE!" he said, then counted off again. This time I sang.

"No good deed goes unpunished, no act of charity goes unresented, no good deed goes unpunished, that's my new creed, my road of good intentions, lead where such roads always lead, no good deed  
goes unpunished!" I sang, holding out the last note. Only thirteen more hours…


	3. Mirror, Mirror, on the wall

**a/n: hey there, hi there, ho there! Oh, uh, new chapter… yeahhh.**

**DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING…not even Jasper's scars. Oh, you may need .com for this chapter, too.**

_Bella's POV, Monday._

Not only was it a Monday-internal wince-but it was also 5th period, aka study hall. The only class I had without Edward. So here I was, occupied by Alice and Emmett, at the last table, in the corner of the room we have study hall in-room 169**(a/n: haha, innuendo...in your end oh!)**

"Bella, Bella. Bella, Bell-UH!" Emmett chanted.

"Yes, Emmett?" I asked looking up from my copy of A Midsummer's Night Dream.

"Can we play bloody knuckles?!" he yelled, almost actually startling me.

"Emmett. We can't bleed or bruise you moron." I said, laughing.

"But wanna see what happens! Please please please?" damn it all. Why not?

"Sure Emmett. Alice-" but she cut me off with laughter.

"This will be interesting…" Alice said, still laughing.

The game started, and we kept playing, never tired and never bruising or bleeding. After twenty-five minutes, my hand started tingling, and I knew Emmett's did too, because he made a very weird face. Then, our hands fell off.

"AH! I'M CHINEESEY NOW!" Emmett yelled, not making sense. Luckily he did this a lot, so no one turned around to find out our hands were missing. Alice bent swiftly under the table and collected our hands. She then reattached them, and I thanked her.

_Meanwhile…_

_Same day, Edward's POV_

Spanish Class,___the only time of the day without my Bella. __Fue un infierno. ____I was stuck in Se____ñ____orita Lopez's room, with Rosalie and Jasper. Oh Joyous days-not. Rosalie had a compact out staring at herself, and murmuring __mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? ____I decided to make her mad today. Even though her and Bella were friends I knew this would upset her._

_"__Bella's the fairest, Rose. No comparison," then when she hissed I continued, consulting Jasper, who was too busy counting all of the visible scars on his body he wouldn't notice anything "right Jazz?" I asked._

_"__Yep, Ed." He replied not looking away from his arm. Rosie got up, called Senorita Lopez '__feo'____ , and charged out of the room. Jasper realized he said something wrong, but didn't honestly care. Neither did I. __Ten more minutes until I get to see my Bella____, I kept telling myself. Then I started to sing in my head. __It's a war in your bedroom baby, I'd cut off my tongue for just a taste of a piece of your flesh my darling, we've got no time to hesitate._

**a/n: sorry I write short chapters. But I update like everyday, so yeah. Haha, review with a plot and I may use it! (&credit you of course) GOGOGO, REVIEW! Btw, the song at the end is War In Your Bedroom by A Change Of Pace. The lyrics are actually kind of nasty…so watch out.**


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